Bengaluru Case

I watched the video of Bengaluru case, it made me feel sad shame angry nd helpless.
wrote down when I heard the unspoken words of that lady,

it's not anyone's fault
its not the fault of our nation
it's not the fault of our constitution
it's not the fault of our education system it's not the fault of our politicians
it's not the fault of our law
it's not the fault of our police department it is not the fault of women empowerment committees
it's not fault of people who chose to just be audience while I was getting molested
it's not the fault of that street where I was dashed down after being half raped and fully destroyed,
it is not the fault of that Silent Night when I thought I will celebrated with my family
it's not the fault of that the narrow Road where I felt helpless as hell
where I was forced to feel like I am weak where I was forced to feel like I am unable to have control over the situation, it's not the fault of that CCTV which is recorded me being victim of a insane person's cruelity,
I think the CCTV was better than those who ignored when they saw me getting raped and walked ahead at least that machine recorded it and is still there doing its duty, mostly humans forget their duty and carry on with their work, from last few days even the brightest  days are like the darkest nights and I could not sleep because I am living a real life nightmare,
I want to sleep to give rest to my brain but as I lay down I think someone from under my bed is going to jump over my body again as I fall asleep, and before I will scream, before I will ask for help, he will leave me with scars and be invisible to others, my mother, friends and people come and sit beside me giving me motivation to forget it and live again but I wonder if they could ever realise what I actually feel, I think they can never understand the hell I've been through, the only question that have choked my mind is "whose fault it was?" and before I could start to think over it in search of the answer the another question strikes my mind "till when the situation will be safe?" & before I realise that now I have two different questions in my mind to think upon, another question hits my brain cells "will it ever change or I am just wasting my time thinking over it?"
do I know who was that guy?
was my jeans were too tight that night? was my boobs were slipping out of my strips?
do every girl feels the same after being molested?
Do every girl feels unsafe like me?
is this the nation we call land of gods and Goddesses?
is this the country where we worship Vaishno Devi who is her self woman and and acquire same body as I have?
is this the country where we talk about women empowerment and women safety?
would that women helpline number had saved my life?
is nothing really has changed from Nirbhaya case in Delhi?
and the Waves of question continues to hit the ground of my mind and then they leave my brain cells like dry sand and without answers.
my inner self urges to be free mind and Fearless girl again but these questions are now like permanent scars on my face, and you know the worst part is that now all I can see is Mirror only,
I can only see the mirror unless or until the whole Nation, every person and the whole public either the artist,celebrities, doctors,politicians,teacher,student and the normal people living in the districts and The villages the of 29 states and 7 union territories, the temples, Mosque, churches and gurdwaras, and all the Pandits, maulvies, farhers and Gurus in them join their hands to come together and decide with their hearts and minds and souls to paint a beautiful portrait of my scary face to help me heal.
for now I am going to continue with my questions and the Colossal in my mind, but I wish before someone else becomes the victim of the same shit that I've been through, the whole Nation will get a solution.

Naina : my journey in my thoughts.

Before a woman, you are a human being. Your gender is what categorise you as female but your instincts and the voice inside you keeps you and us united as humans.

NAINA : The one I tried understanding from inside.
I decided to check my self in understanding a person by listening and I came up with this write up.
NAINA is the unnoticed and hidden voice of every girl who have faced the harshness of life and created the best out of it. It could be you,your mother, your sister, or your best friend  it's about every girl I know, at least a little about the way they have been through and faced and what they have become.
If you could relate to any of the situations written down, i would feel good. just know that you are not that much messed up, you still can be understood and your life is still amazing.

                          "NAINA"
Hey there I am Naina, finally I am cool now and way more better. I don't want to know whats up and "how are you", I don't really care if you don't like my out fit but I know that I am hell lot attractive, more than you can ever imagine, i just don't feel the need of proving it to you. If you do not get what I meant, I won't waste my time talking to you.
Its better if you notice me and stay away, coz I won't stop looking hot ever or change the way I dress but I am not interested in random strangers coming over just for my phone no.
And if you still do it then I know how to say "fuck off" in most pleasing way.
          -Your Naina :)

It was rude, she was so rude, but the reason she was rude is that she was scared.  she was scared of letting someone come to her life and all it even more.
Even know this rudeness is false when you try to understand what she meant. you would find the truth in the lies she spoke.
She could have gone another pair of you beauty pink frames but it was okay to be frameless when it's all about the clear vision. if you do not get what she says she will go silent and that silence means that she has a lot more to tell to a person who gets it.
She distance herself to save herself.
There is a lot of people who fall asleep quickly she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who has favourite Singers and are fans of particular musical group she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who speak without thinking she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who cry easily before anyone she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who are satisfied with the life they live, she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who hate the way they lead their lives, she is not one of them, there are people who are still what they were, she is not one of them.
She is a sociable person but a loner soul, she behaves gentle but you will never know how tough and rigid she can be, she holds the tendency to a smile and laugh when she is actually burning from inside.
People think that everything is fine in a girl's life, but internally only she or a few people actually knows and understand what and how they are dealing with.

Naina, she was once genuine like ice in a Glacier, she trusted like a blind person does on his stick, she had it real, she loved pure, if he (her ex) could ever taste her love he would have never asked for nectar or something sweet.
It was her addiction that she wanted to be lost in him, she was too much in love with him that together she could have shown him melodies, she was dedicated to live the dreams she saw holding his hand and she wanted to lose her self in him because his presence around her made her ask for nothing more, thinking herself in his arms shaken her head up, and that storm of thoughts pleased her soul from within, she wanted to try and do everything to make things work out to get him more closer.

She gave her mind to him by thinking at late nights and early mornings about him, and he took control of her thoughts.

She gave her heart to him by wishing everything for both of them, and he took control of her emotions.

She gave her soul to him by telling him he Pain, passion and every single trait, and by being curious to know him very same way, and he took control over her life.

She wanted to know and learn about him, his mistakes, his thoughts, his desires and dreams, his favorite and least favorite, when he cried, when he lies, why he thinks that way, what intrigues his mind, she wanted their souls to talk more than their bodies to be on same bed, she was ready to get make from inside.

Even though their were situations that kept them apart, hurdles and borders came between them, but the intensity of that love always increased from her side, all she cared about was him, she felt bad when they couldn't talk for long hours on phone, but she was happy imagining that if he also misses her the very same way.

Normal takings do not excite her anymore, it takes only a mouth to be normal talking,  she wants to talk different things that involve the presence of mind, heart and soul. in short she have become practical but still believes in magic. she believes in the purity and honesty of words. she's one of the most sensitive soul I have ever met. she's one of the most beautiful thought I ever got.

She is one of those females who actually experience "true love" but unfortunately not the pleasure in return, she craves and asks for the days of her past which were beautiful as a description of a love story in a novel, she requires back the affection and attachment she had for him, she needs back that strength to fall in love again with the strength she loved him, she wants that magic back when he first kissed him so that she could live back and burn again.
She needs back that feel of touch when she ran her fingers lightly honest face she gave her everything and hardly ever get anything back, and this is what makes her cry.
She was too young when she fall in love,
She gave him control of her life while he couldn't even control his own life, kind of childhood love you know that feel something more than infatuation.
She live him so badly that she needed his presence to feel alive,
Needed his love so she can die,
Needed his chest to fall asleep,
& What actually happened, she wanted to believe it's all a lie,
Needed his shoulder to feel being loved,
Needed his kisses to feel being touched,
She wanted him to love her violently, because it's something that she did.
And then when he lied and left and moved on, she started to reborn.
He left her hollow, he left her empty, she had sorrow, guilt and regret to witness.

He left her in a place where it all was dark,
He left her with sleepless nights, where the nightmare starts,
She was scared that if her soul could ever return or not,
It was less than death, more than heartbreak, it was soul immobilisation. 

Her soul her dreams, her passion her stream,
Her voice her words, her smile her curls,
Her heart her mind,
Her mood her spine,
Her depths her cloud nine,
Her waves her vibes, her everything in life, felt broken, thrashed and destroyed.

Her past gave her daydreams she never thought, fight she never fought, few of those days was surprisingly new and romantically pleasuring but after that it was like walking in a graveyard at midnight and crying on the death of her trust,shedding tears on Broken Dreams, feeling guilty for letting her family down, being Numb while thinking about the time when she felt lost in him, the sorrow on  murder of her virginity, telling in her decision proved wrong, these all we the ghosts of the graveyard of her life, but after repeating the same nights, when that graveyard became a familiar place, then she picked up a pen and paper and her hand never stopped. Pages after pages, thoughts after thoughts, journals after journals, night after night, getting better and better, best from the worst, she realized that there is nothing to be in this graveyard when she hasn't died yet.

She remembered, that once in her past she became ready to be the girl he always wanted her to be, she became ready to change her self for his sake because she can't afford to lose him, she became ready to leave all his originality, that annoyed his lover, she became ready to kill her true self to find back her true love, she almost killed her self respect for him. But after she came out of that graveyard she found happiness in the starlit sky and constellation and was proud that she survived. Though her family thought their girl is facing puberty and mood swings are normal, but if they could ever know what she have been through, they would definitely be shocked.
After all she is grateful for the mistakes that she have made when she realise that she have learnt from them so they were worth of it.
Her future is now full of her that means there are very few chances of being betrayed again.  and that's what she want, even if now she face is any betrayal in future, it won't break her that much and she believe that she will still learn from it and overcome it and for the happiness of present she persuade her self in writing that feels true, watching movies that touch heart, web series that teach, novels and music to heal her wounds & a little more of stuff that makes her feel good and alive.
      
      - Rohan Sharma (Not a Writer)

            

Siblings day

Dear brother,
I am not being emotional like a child, but being a mature person I'm accepting the truth. i have to that's the only way  I left to let it all be out.
I do love you, actually a lot because I know you since my birth and sometimes I ask myself why ? and may be your style of  brotherhood is reason behind this.
I played with you but we could not make it a team.
I laughed with you but you were rarely the reason behind my smile.
we drove together but I wanted to hit the roads with you.
We both fought together, but I never broke your heart, and yes you did break mine somehow and never noticed as you might have thought I am going to fine because you are my only brother.

we both had fun together but I never insulted you, but you did, I remember the day you insulted me before our relatives to get a laugh out of show.

We both ate desserts, but I wanted to prepare your favorite cake for you on your birthday.
you helped me whenever I asked for it, but you did not come when I needed it the most, you didn't knock my door when I just about to kill myself instead you scold me for being lazy and staying in my room all the time.
Dear brother, we could have touched the skies, but you wanted control over my wings.
If you ever looked to the inner me you would have found that I am happy, sad, miserable, joyful, naughty,lonely, sweet, sincere, honest, caring and lovely, but you just never tried.

Dear bhaiya, you imposed your decision on me to teach me discipline, but I already know when to be that way.

"may be you also wanted me to fly high as possible but only as long as I fly beneath you."

yes you are having your own life, may be you are very happy with it, but you hardly ever know that your sister have her own world and if you ever joined it in, you would have gone mad.

You look sincere as fuck but I have seen your stupid side and I know your weak points, and I wish you to improve.
Dear brother, I'm happy that you're moving but I didn't think you'll change, and this is the time I want you to prove me wrong.
I am not sure if I'll miss you or not, but I guess you won't, and even if we both do miss each other, no one of us will admit it.

I am not sure what I may feel for you in your absence, but i guess my absence won't affect you much, but if it does, none of us will admit, specifically me.

I am not sure if you'll call me just to listen to my voice, even I won't call you to that, but the first thing on call I'll notice will be your voice tone and by that I'll try to figure out what's going within you.

Yes we were living under same terrace from years, and we were brother and sister,
I wish this distance turns our bond into love and you realize that you have someone back in home who is waiting to see a improved brother rather than seeing you just as a "changed man."

I wish you realize that I acquire the capability to do great things and I'll do one day,
I wish you think of me as gift from parents rather than thinking of a poor lost girl who's responsibility is over you.

I wish when you come back and you'll run your hand on my head and admit that you really missed me and my every stupid activity, and if you do so, here's a tight hug waiting for you in return.
Dear brother,

Everyone can be a brother, but it takes someone special to be a ''bro" and I wish you become one.

-Your sister.

Yes you deserve

You, yes you.
You are truly beautiful.
Your heart is soft as a rose.
Your soul is as pure as water spring from a glacier.
Your touch is like a rain drop fell right on the eyeball.
Your smile is as pleasing as sunrise behind the mountains.
Your voice is like chirping of 100 little birds.
Your face is like a artistically completed portrait that is worth gazing at.
Your hair and curls are so bouncy that one might die to play with them.
What if your head is squishy mess,
What if sometime it becomes a lonely night,
What if sometimes you realize that whatever happened has now gone and have taken away something precious from you..
Hold on, that was just a crap and it happens in life, you are lucky that it happened because you were destined to be this amazing that you are now,
Just know it and believe it,
You deserve better.
You deserve more joyous than that you ever expected.
You deserve to laugh again so loud that you end up holding your stomach.
You deserve to be pampered, you deserve a soul as beautiful as yours.
You deserve to be cared and cured like a kid suffering from a dangerous disease.
You deserve to be praised even at your flaws.
You deserve to feel safe and protected.
You deserve a soul who'll go mad without your presence.
You deserve to be dreamed by someone who understands your inner self.
You deserve a heart who will one day join you in your world.
You deserve a comfort zone in which you can feel his touch and cuddle.
You deserve a strong lap where you can take plenty of a quality sleep without being disturbed.
You deserve a melody sung only for you.
You deserve to be hugged tightly whenever you run out of your mind.
You deserve to be asked for staying a little more.
You deserve to smile every second of your life.
You deserve a company that will feel like a team.
You deserve to blush and look up with killer eyes.
You deserve to be treated in a way that you realize you are the only one.
You deserve to be kissed everyday, every morning, slowly and gently.
you deserve to live the dreams that you saw and thought that they are broken.
You deserve it all back in thousand different ways.
Trust me, one day you are going to live the way you once dreamed, one day this all will settle down, do not forget that God is watching over you, and he is happy with the battles you fought, and for that one day it's going to be so much happy that a tear will drop out of your eye and your heart will tell you "stupid, it's all perfect, stop crying."
And your mind will accept that it was a drop of internal happiness.
And then in that night, under the presence of billion stars, whole universe will see two souls sharing a kiss and living a ton of happy emotions.

-Roh AN

How we learn to love and to whom to love.

For a short period of time I experienced how does it feels to be genuinely interested in knowing someone, knowing each and every thing, what intrigues their mind, what movies they have watched, what books they have read, what songs they listen to, what journals they write, what kind of people they like, what are their career aspects, what is it like to be in their family and home, how their room or personal space looks like, what are the places they wanna go, what pet they wanna have, what kind of workout and diet they would prefer, what kind of car they would drive, what would they do in spare time or at mid of night, when they cried like hell, when they laughed out loud, what's their favourite childhood memory, who their best friends are, what's their worst and best school memory,  what kind of people they have met and experienced  and what lessons they learn from their life.

Probably in everyone's life that time comes and its the time when you yourself feel happy that you are actually getting to know a person inside out.
You feel overwhelmed that you also occupy the tendency to understand a person.
That's the time when you also hold the tendency to get emotionally attached with that person.
once they tell how they feel about a particular incident, you either get inspired or get a instinct of sympathy towards them which is normal human behavior.
Talking to that person seems like reading a book because with every new thing they tell you, you are actually learning something new about them and when you learn something you get happy so ultimately that persons becomes a source of happiness for you.
one of the most important thing we all should know and learn about that time is by being genuinely interested in someone we are not falling in love with them, yes, while being genuinely interested in a person we are falling in love with them instead we are knowing the right way to fall in love.

yes, To be genuinely interested in someone is the right way to fall in love with them.

But we normally misunderstand it, and we think we are in love with the person who has become source of happiness for us.
No its not love, Love is the way you are.
Love is your purity and curiosity to know and learn that person, calling that particular person as your love is wrong.

If your source of happiness, that person somehow becomes the reason for your grief, pain, tears and sorrows then definitely you are practising the right way of love on a wrong person.

Now when you have learned the right way to fall in love, you should know the right person to fall in love with.

so the person to whom you should fall in love with is the person who'll be genuinely interested in you.
yes, once you find someone who is genuinely interested in you, just know that right time has come to take a right decision by choosing the right person and loving him/her in the right way to love (that you might have learned from someone else.)
Its the law of universe that right things done at right time are always successful and that's where you live a successful love life, its the only secret to intimacy, and nothing else.

#Roh_AN

Before you go impulsive, think of life.

Before you go impulsive, think of life.

Rash driving has become a 'mood' now a days, though it still falls under the category of misdemeanor but its a kind of fun for teenagers as long as cops don't notice them.
Not only the boys, Girls also take advantage of that mask tied on their face,
While going to school, returning from tuition, going to a party or while hanging out with folks it has become a sports activity where public roads are the track, other people driving their vehicles are hurdles, traffic signal is a challenge, friends on the other side are competitors, blowing horn continually is a warning signal, crossing the 90 digit on speedometer is like boost unlocked, reaching first is victory and a Marlborough advance is the only trophy that one gets.
but question is who are the ''victim ?''

victims are those old age people who look left and right for at least 15 times before crossing the road,
victims are those children who have just learnt to walk,
victims are those animals who don't have shelter for themselves,
victims are those couples who went out for shopping but reached hospital,
and the list is filled of examples of road accidents.
But it is not necessary that these people will only be the victim,
it is not necessary that every time you accelerate your vehicle will be in your control,
it is not necessary that you will be the only one driving your bike/car above 90,
it is not necessary that you will be lucky to not slip, every time.
I want you to imaging the situation, how it would have become if you fall down or your bike slips off,
how it would have become if any other vehicle collides with yours and throws you off of your bike,
your parents can bear the damage of your bike, but they can never bear the pain of loosing their young son/daughter.
if your parents have brought you a vehicle to get out of home, don't bring home their wounded child who needs a 10 day bed rest.
one of my close friend died this morning while distributing invitation cards of her sister's marriage.
so dear you, before you go impulsive, just think of life.

- Roh AN

The birthday

"I do not celebrate my birthday as what ever I plan might get denied by my family and then it will be disappointing so I just simply don't." she said with a tone of sacrifice and in a thrashed voice.

"To be happy and to celebrate, you never need a plan."
he said trying to express that even if her family denies her plans, she could still keep walking on lane of celebration through other sources of joy.

it was 11:40
her birthday was almost over.
may be she was still waiting for the one who didn't wished her happy birthday throughout the day.

a text peeped
"how was your day ? " he asked curiously and calmly, he wanted to get the answer soon as possible but also wanted to stretch that moment, in fact it was her birthday. he already told her one day back that he is going to ask her how she celebrated her birthday, he was planing for her birthday more than she was.
he wondered how will she write that blossoming answer, would it be a long text or a just a short note, has she already prepared for this answer or she will answer with a random thought,
he wondered if she remember that moment when i held her hand and told her that i want to listen a answer that will bring a smile on her face every time she reads that answer.

suddenly the blue light winked near the front camera.
It was her text he knew,
Unlike every time, in this moment he didn't assumed what might be written in text,
He then finally opened it,
The light from the high brightness from phone was spread all over his face, h e was smiling in a unconscious way,
It were like his eyes always existed to red just that one text,
He then read,

"dil se jiya maine is din ko" ( I lived this day from my heart )

he read again..

"dil se jiya maine is din ko" ( I lived this day from my heart )

it was hard for him to believe that the girl who uses accurate jargons and heavy words could be this much expressive in such a short and simplified way.

he read text for repeatedly for 5-6 time, and every time while reading he assumed his soul writing that sentence word by word and he tried to imagine how happy and beautiful this day was for her.
he felt like the question that he asked was something that she always wanted to answer.
suddenly he came back to his senses again and realised that the answer she have given will always make her smile in future taking her back in happy moments of past.

"Congratulations, for celebrating your birthday Happily". he typed being satisfied after knowing that finally the girl who don't wanted to celebrate her birthday has now actually lived her day happily and specially.

Like others he didn't wished her just "happy birthday "

instead of this,

he pushed her to celebrate her birthday happily as he knew she deserve to be happiest.

but unfortunately he was the only one left who never got a invitation to attend the birthday party.

A good student.

A good student always chooses what he wants to learn, not what is imposed on him,
A good student introspect about what he is Hungary for, and what he wants to pursue as his career,

A good student searches over the Internet  about different colleges and universities, looks for different colleges and selects the suitable one both financially and academically,

A good student tries to learn round the clock to hit the top,
A good student looks for scholarship,
A good student desires of having his parents respected on the stage for his achievements,

A good student chooses to listen carefully to use what he heard while speaking and influence people by what influenced him,

A good student never backstabs his teachers,
A good student tries to get a little more,
A good student carries a strong urge to learn,
A good student helps his classmates,
A good student maintains a healthy relationship with teachers outside the classroom,
A good student never cross his limits,
A good student sets limit and win them in process of giving best,
A good student cries over failure but learns a lot from them,
A good student is confident of his knowledge,
A good student read minds and learn from people more than books.
A good student is good person at first.
Only the person who is humble to learn and ready to receive can only be a good student.

-Rohan Sharma

Welcome Amrapali "The Beautiest".

 *And at 9:30 it's "Amrapali" -my daughter. *

It was Saturday - the weekend I was in hostel waiting for washing machine to get free so that I can wash my college uniform.
As I was scrolling down my Facebook wall I saw it. And it was like BOOM, it's a girl who is the newest member of IITTM family.
And the name "AMRAPALI" is the best for you as you are the Beautiest and your father is a disciple of Buddha and he have chosen the perfect name for you.

Now you might be thinking that who is this person, telling you the story of time when you were born, so I am going to give you a little intro here, I am 'Golu', actually my real name is Rohan but Golu is my childhood name and it is the kid Golu in me who is talking to you right now.


You know your and my first meeting was full of a sudden, in the night around 10:00, I was going out of the campus for photography but at T-point in front of girls hostel wind whispered your name in my ears and my steps changed the track toward your house.

I was very afraid before knocking the door but my curiosity to Meet 1 feet long human creature filled me with courage and I somehow knocked the door. It was your mother who welcomed me with a bright smile and I asked for permission to frame you down in my camera. You were with your grandmother on the bed.

The gesture and the way she was holding you it reminded me of my grandmother and my childhood. I remember that once I was also like you. It filled my eyes with tears and your mother noticed my tears but she was happy to see me melting down remembering my old self.

Our first meeting was full of Tears I was trying to hold them back and you were freely crying. Your little fingers, your face, your skin, the bottom of your legs, your nails, your first hair, your ball shaped face and the doll shaped you. It was the purest form of you it was the golden soul in you, your hands will develop, your body shape will change your hair will grow, you will learn to walk you will learn to behave you will learn to read and write but this all is normal human life and this is how we develop and transform our self.

Ups and downs of life tell us how much capable we are of walking on the right lane of life. Sweetheart what makes you pure is your soul,
what makes you special is your heart
What Makes You Beautiful are your thoughts,
and what makes you unique are your capabilities.

And your parents Ramakrishna sir and your mother are pure, special, beautiful and unique human beings.
Just follow whatever they teach you learn your own life lessons and share with them they are your best teachers and best friends Amrapali and you are there most beloved.
Make them your closest friend make them your diary. at every age and at every stage of your life they will going to give you right advise accordingly and this is how you will face no worries and no tension.
Your parents are the solution book to all your life queries.
In last, I want you to know that you have a best life, God has given you best parents, best family, best mind and a best soul that will always give you right answers.

Be knowledgeable and be confident.

     *Welcome to this World Beautiest.*
                       
                 

She after molestation.

              Bengaluru new year case.

it's not anyone's fault
its not the fault of our nation
it's not the fault of our constitution
it's not the fault of our education system it's not the fault of our politicians
it's not the fault of our law
it's not the fault of our police department it is not the fault of women empowerment committees
it's not fault of people who chose to just be audience while I was getting molested
it's not the fault of that street where I was dashed down after being half raped and fully destroyed,
it is not the fault of that Silent Night when I thought I will celebrate it with my family
it's not the fault of that the narrow Road where I felt helpless as hell
where I was forced to feel like I am weak where I was forced to feel like I am unable to have control over the situation, it's not the fault of that CCTV which is recorded me being victim of a insane person's cruelity,
I think the CCTV was better than those who ignored when they saw me getting raped and walked ahead at least that machine recorded it and is still there doing its duty, mostly humans forget their duty and carry on with their work, from last few days even the brightest  days are like the darkest nights and I could not sleep because I am living a real life nightmare,
I want to sleep to give rest to my brain but as I lay down I think someone from under my bed is going to jump over my body again as I fall asleep, and before I will scream, before I will ask for help, he will leave me with scars and be invisible to others, my mother, friends and people come and sit beside me giving me motivation to forget it and live again but I wonder if they could ever realise what I actually feel, I think they can never understand the hell I've been through, the only question that have choked my mind is "whose fault it was?" and before I could start to think over it in search of the answer the another question strikes my mind "till when the situation will be safe?" & before I realise that now I have two different questions in my mind to think upon, another question hits my brain cells "will it ever change or I am just wasting my time thinking over it?"
do I know who was that guy?
was my jeans were too tight that night?
was my boobs were slipping out of my strips?
do every girl feels the same after being molested?
Do every girl feels unsafe like me?
is this the nation we call land of gods and Goddesses?
is this the country where we worship Vaishno Devi who is her self woman and acquire same body as I have?
is this the country where we talk about women empowerment and women safety?
would that women helpline number had saved my life?
is nothing really has changed from Nirbhaya case in Delhi?
and the Waves of question continues to hit the ground of my mind and then they leave my brain cells like dry sand and without answers.
my inner self urges to be free mind and Fearless girl again but these questions are now like permanent scars on my face, and you know the worst part is that now all I can see is Mirror only,
I can only see the mirror unless or until the whole Nation, every person and the whole public either the artist,celebrities, doctors,politicians,teacher,student and the normal people living in the districts and The villages the of 29 states and 7 union territories, the temples, Mosque, churches and gurdwaras, and all the Pandits, maulvies, fathers and Gurus in them join their hands to come together and decide with their hearts and minds and souls to paint a beautiful portrait of my scary face to help me heal.
for now I am going to continue with my questions and the Colossal in my mind, but I wish before someone else becomes the victim of the same shit that I've been through, the whole Nation will get a solution.

My lost me.

                When I saw my old me.

i saw his picture today while i was cleaning out my rags today, he has golden brown hairs, a glowing fair complexion, shiny - big - beautiful noir eyes, he looked bit scared of camera( as he does not know whats going on), he stood still coz his mom made him stand that way for the photograph, all he wants to jump into her mother's nap as soon the photo session goes over, he does not cares about anyone but his mother, every  time he cries when he does it to call his mother, he denies every meal even his favourite food if his mother's hand are not the one to feed. He knows a few people by name but only person he trust is his mother. he is never shy to cry before her, and he is smart enough that he knows that just a single drop of tear from his eye can melt her mother's heart and that is why he often cries to get what he wants. but he has a false notion that everything is going to be this way, he forever, he don't think about the next day because he do not knows what is day and night, what is a month, year, childhood, adulthood, life cycle and every single shit that i know today.
when i saw the picture i ignored and packed it back just like i did with every other picture, but as i was just having a look of the picture for a mini second, his eyes gained my attention, i paused my self for a second, it was like from inside the picture his eyes were trying to tease me and wanted to get into a conversation with me.
as we started the conversation there were two totally different personalities putting up their different views in a single mind of mine. the chaos, confusion and memories were strange but amazingly beautiful.
i realised that this condition of my mind is very serenitive and pleasuring.
as more as i was staring at the picture the more i wanted to meet this little guy and play with him.  i desperately wish if i could just meet this guy again ever in my life just for few minutes, i wish i could just sit by his side or lay down with him,i dreamed of holding him from the waist and getting him closer to my chest and protect him through my arms in way that no one else in this world can take him away from me. i wish if i could be this champ again, as tears rolled down my cheeks i was back into the real world.