Before a woman, you are a human being. Your gender is what categorise you as female but your instincts and the voice inside you keeps you and us united as humans.
NAINA : The one I tried understanding from inside.
I decided to check my self in understanding a person by listening and I came up with this write up.
NAINA is the unnoticed and hidden voice of every girl who have faced the harshness of life and created the best out of it. It could be you,your mother, your sister, or your best friend it's about every girl I know, at least a little about the way they have been through and faced and what they have become.
If you could relate to any of the situations written down, i would feel good. just know that you are not that much messed up, you still can be understood and your life is still amazing.
"NAINA"
Hey there I am Naina, finally I am cool now and way more better. I don't want to know whats up and "how are you", I don't really care if you don't like my out fit but I know that I am hell lot attractive, more than you can ever imagine, i just don't feel the need of proving it to you. If you do not get what I meant, I won't waste my time talking to you.
Its better if you notice me and stay away, coz I won't stop looking hot ever or change the way I dress but I am not interested in random strangers coming over just for my phone no.
And if you still do it then I know how to say "fuck off" in most pleasing way.
-Your Naina :)
It was rude, she was so rude, but the reason she was rude is that she was scared. she was scared of letting someone come to her life and all it even more.
Even know this rudeness is false when you try to understand what she meant. you would find the truth in the lies she spoke.
She could have gone another pair of you beauty pink frames but it was okay to be frameless when it's all about the clear vision. if you do not get what she says she will go silent and that silence means that she has a lot more to tell to a person who gets it.
She distance herself to save herself.
There is a lot of people who fall asleep quickly she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who has favourite Singers and are fans of particular musical group she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who speak without thinking she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who cry easily before anyone she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who are satisfied with the life they live, she is not one of them, there is a lot of people who hate the way they lead their lives, she is not one of them, there are people who are still what they were, she is not one of them.
She is a sociable person but a loner soul, she behaves gentle but you will never know how tough and rigid she can be, she holds the tendency to a smile and laugh when she is actually burning from inside.
People think that everything is fine in a girl's life, but internally only she or a few people actually knows and understand what and how they are dealing with.
Naina, she was once genuine like ice in a Glacier, she trusted like a blind person does on his stick, she had it real, she loved pure, if he (her ex) could ever taste her love he would have never asked for nectar or something sweet.
It was her addiction that she wanted to be lost in him, she was too much in love with him that together she could have shown him melodies, she was dedicated to live the dreams she saw holding his hand and she wanted to lose her self in him because his presence around her made her ask for nothing more, thinking herself in his arms shaken her head up, and that storm of thoughts pleased her soul from within, she wanted to try and do everything to make things work out to get him more closer.
She gave her mind to him by thinking at late nights and early mornings about him, and he took control of her thoughts.
She gave her heart to him by wishing everything for both of them, and he took control of her emotions.
She gave her soul to him by telling him he Pain, passion and every single trait, and by being curious to know him very same way, and he took control over her life.
She wanted to know and learn about him, his mistakes, his thoughts, his desires and dreams, his favorite and least favorite, when he cried, when he lies, why he thinks that way, what intrigues his mind, she wanted their souls to talk more than their bodies to be on same bed, she was ready to get make from inside.
Even though their were situations that kept them apart, hurdles and borders came between them, but the intensity of that love always increased from her side, all she cared about was him, she felt bad when they couldn't talk for long hours on phone, but she was happy imagining that if he also misses her the very same way.
Normal takings do not excite her anymore, it takes only a mouth to be normal talking, she wants to talk different things that involve the presence of mind, heart and soul. in short she have become practical but still believes in magic. she believes in the purity and honesty of words. she's one of the most sensitive soul I have ever met. she's one of the most beautiful thought I ever got.
She is one of those females who actually experience "true love" but unfortunately not the pleasure in return, she craves and asks for the days of her past which were beautiful as a description of a love story in a novel, she requires back the affection and attachment she had for him, she needs back that strength to fall in love again with the strength she loved him, she wants that magic back when he first kissed him so that she could live back and burn again.
She needs back that feel of touch when she ran her fingers lightly honest face she gave her everything and hardly ever get anything back, and this is what makes her cry.
She was too young when she fall in love,
She gave him control of her life while he couldn't even control his own life, kind of childhood love you know that feel something more than infatuation.
She live him so badly that she needed his presence to feel alive,
Needed his love so she can die,
Needed his chest to fall asleep,
& What actually happened, she wanted to believe it's all a lie,
Needed his shoulder to feel being loved,
Needed his kisses to feel being touched,
She wanted him to love her violently, because it's something that she did.
And then when he lied and left and moved on, she started to reborn.
He left her hollow, he left her empty, she had sorrow, guilt and regret to witness.
He left her in a place where it all was dark,
He left her with sleepless nights, where the nightmare starts,
She was scared that if her soul could ever return or not,
It was less than death, more than heartbreak, it was soul immobilisation.
Her soul her dreams, her passion her stream,
Her voice her words, her smile her curls,
Her heart her mind,
Her mood her spine,
Her depths her cloud nine,
Her waves her vibes, her everything in life, felt broken, thrashed and destroyed.
Her past gave her daydreams she never thought, fight she never fought, few of those days was surprisingly new and romantically pleasuring but after that it was like walking in a graveyard at midnight and crying on the death of her trust,shedding tears on Broken Dreams, feeling guilty for letting her family down, being Numb while thinking about the time when she felt lost in him, the sorrow on murder of her virginity, telling in her decision proved wrong, these all we the ghosts of the graveyard of her life, but after repeating the same nights, when that graveyard became a familiar place, then she picked up a pen and paper and her hand never stopped. Pages after pages, thoughts after thoughts, journals after journals, night after night, getting better and better, best from the worst, she realized that there is nothing to be in this graveyard when she hasn't died yet.
She remembered, that once in her past she became ready to be the girl he always wanted her to be, she became ready to change her self for his sake because she can't afford to lose him, she became ready to leave all his originality, that annoyed his lover, she became ready to kill her true self to find back her true love, she almost killed her self respect for him. But after she came out of that graveyard she found happiness in the starlit sky and constellation and was proud that she survived. Though her family thought their girl is facing puberty and mood swings are normal, but if they could ever know what she have been through, they would definitely be shocked.
After all she is grateful for the mistakes that she have made when she realise that she have learnt from them so they were worth of it.
Her future is now full of her that means there are very few chances of being betrayed again. and that's what she want, even if now she face is any betrayal in future, it won't break her that much and she believe that she will still learn from it and overcome it and for the happiness of present she persuade her self in writing that feels true, watching movies that touch heart, web series that teach, novels and music to heal her wounds & a little more of stuff that makes her feel good and alive.
- Rohan Sharma (Not a Writer)
