Welcome Amrapali "The Beautiest".

 *And at 9:30 it's "Amrapali" -my daughter. *

It was Saturday - the weekend I was in hostel waiting for washing machine to get free so that I can wash my college uniform.
As I was scrolling down my Facebook wall I saw it. And it was like BOOM, it's a girl who is the newest member of IITTM family.
And the name "AMRAPALI" is the best for you as you are the Beautiest and your father is a disciple of Buddha and he have chosen the perfect name for you.

Now you might be thinking that who is this person, telling you the story of time when you were born, so I am going to give you a little intro here, I am 'Golu', actually my real name is Rohan but Golu is my childhood name and it is the kid Golu in me who is talking to you right now.


You know your and my first meeting was full of a sudden, in the night around 10:00, I was going out of the campus for photography but at T-point in front of girls hostel wind whispered your name in my ears and my steps changed the track toward your house.

I was very afraid before knocking the door but my curiosity to Meet 1 feet long human creature filled me with courage and I somehow knocked the door. It was your mother who welcomed me with a bright smile and I asked for permission to frame you down in my camera. You were with your grandmother on the bed.

The gesture and the way she was holding you it reminded me of my grandmother and my childhood. I remember that once I was also like you. It filled my eyes with tears and your mother noticed my tears but she was happy to see me melting down remembering my old self.

Our first meeting was full of Tears I was trying to hold them back and you were freely crying. Your little fingers, your face, your skin, the bottom of your legs, your nails, your first hair, your ball shaped face and the doll shaped you. It was the purest form of you it was the golden soul in you, your hands will develop, your body shape will change your hair will grow, you will learn to walk you will learn to behave you will learn to read and write but this all is normal human life and this is how we develop and transform our self.

Ups and downs of life tell us how much capable we are of walking on the right lane of life. Sweetheart what makes you pure is your soul,
what makes you special is your heart
What Makes You Beautiful are your thoughts,
and what makes you unique are your capabilities.

And your parents Ramakrishna sir and your mother are pure, special, beautiful and unique human beings.
Just follow whatever they teach you learn your own life lessons and share with them they are your best teachers and best friends Amrapali and you are there most beloved.
Make them your closest friend make them your diary. at every age and at every stage of your life they will going to give you right advise accordingly and this is how you will face no worries and no tension.
Your parents are the solution book to all your life queries.
In last, I want you to know that you have a best life, God has given you best parents, best family, best mind and a best soul that will always give you right answers.

Be knowledgeable and be confident.

     *Welcome to this World Beautiest.*
                       
                 

She after molestation.

              Bengaluru new year case.

it's not anyone's fault
its not the fault of our nation
it's not the fault of our constitution
it's not the fault of our education system it's not the fault of our politicians
it's not the fault of our law
it's not the fault of our police department it is not the fault of women empowerment committees
it's not fault of people who chose to just be audience while I was getting molested
it's not the fault of that street where I was dashed down after being half raped and fully destroyed,
it is not the fault of that Silent Night when I thought I will celebrate it with my family
it's not the fault of that the narrow Road where I felt helpless as hell
where I was forced to feel like I am weak where I was forced to feel like I am unable to have control over the situation, it's not the fault of that CCTV which is recorded me being victim of a insane person's cruelity,
I think the CCTV was better than those who ignored when they saw me getting raped and walked ahead at least that machine recorded it and is still there doing its duty, mostly humans forget their duty and carry on with their work, from last few days even the brightest  days are like the darkest nights and I could not sleep because I am living a real life nightmare,
I want to sleep to give rest to my brain but as I lay down I think someone from under my bed is going to jump over my body again as I fall asleep, and before I will scream, before I will ask for help, he will leave me with scars and be invisible to others, my mother, friends and people come and sit beside me giving me motivation to forget it and live again but I wonder if they could ever realise what I actually feel, I think they can never understand the hell I've been through, the only question that have choked my mind is "whose fault it was?" and before I could start to think over it in search of the answer the another question strikes my mind "till when the situation will be safe?" & before I realise that now I have two different questions in my mind to think upon, another question hits my brain cells "will it ever change or I am just wasting my time thinking over it?"
do I know who was that guy?
was my jeans were too tight that night?
was my boobs were slipping out of my strips?
do every girl feels the same after being molested?
Do every girl feels unsafe like me?
is this the nation we call land of gods and Goddesses?
is this the country where we worship Vaishno Devi who is her self woman and acquire same body as I have?
is this the country where we talk about women empowerment and women safety?
would that women helpline number had saved my life?
is nothing really has changed from Nirbhaya case in Delhi?
and the Waves of question continues to hit the ground of my mind and then they leave my brain cells like dry sand and without answers.
my inner self urges to be free mind and Fearless girl again but these questions are now like permanent scars on my face, and you know the worst part is that now all I can see is Mirror only,
I can only see the mirror unless or until the whole Nation, every person and the whole public either the artist,celebrities, doctors,politicians,teacher,student and the normal people living in the districts and The villages the of 29 states and 7 union territories, the temples, Mosque, churches and gurdwaras, and all the Pandits, maulvies, fathers and Gurus in them join their hands to come together and decide with their hearts and minds and souls to paint a beautiful portrait of my scary face to help me heal.
for now I am going to continue with my questions and the Colossal in my mind, but I wish before someone else becomes the victim of the same shit that I've been through, the whole Nation will get a solution.

My lost me.

                When I saw my old me.

i saw his picture today while i was cleaning out my rags today, he has golden brown hairs, a glowing fair complexion, shiny - big - beautiful noir eyes, he looked bit scared of camera( as he does not know whats going on), he stood still coz his mom made him stand that way for the photograph, all he wants to jump into her mother's nap as soon the photo session goes over, he does not cares about anyone but his mother, every  time he cries when he does it to call his mother, he denies every meal even his favourite food if his mother's hand are not the one to feed. He knows a few people by name but only person he trust is his mother. he is never shy to cry before her, and he is smart enough that he knows that just a single drop of tear from his eye can melt her mother's heart and that is why he often cries to get what he wants. but he has a false notion that everything is going to be this way, he forever, he don't think about the next day because he do not knows what is day and night, what is a month, year, childhood, adulthood, life cycle and every single shit that i know today.
when i saw the picture i ignored and packed it back just like i did with every other picture, but as i was just having a look of the picture for a mini second, his eyes gained my attention, i paused my self for a second, it was like from inside the picture his eyes were trying to tease me and wanted to get into a conversation with me.
as we started the conversation there were two totally different personalities putting up their different views in a single mind of mine. the chaos, confusion and memories were strange but amazingly beautiful.
i realised that this condition of my mind is very serenitive and pleasuring.
as more as i was staring at the picture the more i wanted to meet this little guy and play with him.  i desperately wish if i could just meet this guy again ever in my life just for few minutes, i wish i could just sit by his side or lay down with him,i dreamed of holding him from the waist and getting him closer to my chest and protect him through my arms in way that no one else in this world can take him away from me. i wish if i could be this champ again, as tears rolled down my cheeks i was back into the real world.